3. Silence

After the 2003 brief connection, there was a long period of silence involving Nook. I thought about her often.  In fact, every time I’ve ever heard someone with her name, I always remembered the connection we shared and wondered how she was getting on in life.

I considered reaching out to her, but there just wasn’t a good nor easy way to do that.  Being quite a number of years her senior, there was no way I could think of to try to catch up with her without coming across as a “creepy old guy” -- and that was the last thing I wanted.

Without jumping ahead, it’s safe to say that if there is any regret I have over this story, it’s that I did not try to connect with her again sooner.  Had I any sense of what was waiting for me, of who was waiting for me, well...that’s a lot of lost years.

Life went on for both of us.  Jobs were had, careers built, relationships explored.

She was still with the same man from University days, but I had a few half-hearted relationships.  It’s difficult to admit, but, the few relationships I had during those years were mostly hollow.  Empty of the desire, passion, honesty, friendship, closeness, and so much more, I knew I was wanting and was capable of.

Don’t get me wrong.  I cared for the people I was involved with, very much so.  I felt horrible heartache when one of the relationships ended in quite a mess, but, it is nothing, not even remotely close, to what I feel for Nook, perhaps from the very beginning, if that’s possible.

They say that hindsight is 20/20.  It’s only now, as our story is playing out in real time, that I can look back at those early years, those conversations whilst she was in University, re-evaluate my feelings, and begin, just begin, to try to unravel how all This has come about.

It turns out that both Nook and I would sign in to Yahoo Messenger from time to time, looking for each other.  The proverbial “two ships” passing in the e-Night.  Obviously many other forms of social media have come to take the place of Yahoo’s Messenger environment, but, I still checked in from time to time, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, to say “Hi” and see how she was.  She did the same; looking for me.