32. Uselessness

Time, distance and frustration.


At this point in our story, Nook and I knew that we wanted, and needed, to begin a life together.  This is obvious and logical for most couples, but given the specifics of our mutual lives, finding a way, and place, to combine them was going to prove a challenge.

But before we could truly begin down that path, Nook’s previous life, and relationship, needed to be brought to closure.  Unfortunately, this was going to prove easier said than done.

The concept of “closure” of relationships is familiar to probably everyone reading this.  Sometimes it’s about unfinished business - things that were not shared or said that probably should have been.  Other times it’s about understanding, explanations, insight.  Whatever the reason that we seek it, in the end it’s about balance .. about reaching a point where we feel stable, secure, and that we can move on.

When it comes to romantic relationships, if the break-up is not, shall we say, mutual, it is usually easier for the person who instigated the change in the relationship to feel they have reached that sense of closure, of understanding, ahead of the person who may have been surprised by the developments.

What happens “next” is where individual differences, personality and temperament come into play.

Some people may take a sudden breakup as a chance to re-evaluate a relationship, see that there were flaws, and actually in some small way be thankful that their ex was able to spot and act upon things before the relationship progressed too much further.

There are those who take the breakup with initial shock, perhaps even dismay, but, quickly adapt to the new world before them and after a brief period of relationship mourning (or a bottle of tequila) are ready to move on.

Of course, there are some who react with anger.  Sometimes physical, but more often verbal.  Accusations and recriminations merge with insecurity to result in a torrent of words, or actions.

Others enter a deep state of denial; questioning the decision, refusing to accept the new reality, or even going so far as to tell others that everything will be “back to normal” within a few weeks or months - so certain (and blind) are they...

Most of us have “been there” - at the end of a relationship, and responded in a way which was natural for us at the time.    Every reaction is unique to the people we are, and the relationship we were in.

Unfortunately, whilst Nook was already looking forward to her future, things were not going quite so smoothly on the other side.

We won’t be sharing details here - that’s not necessary - but suffice it to say, law enforcement was contacted, and somewhat .. intense .. behaviour was observed.

These were uncomfortable days for Nook and me.  I was across an ocean from her at this time, and there was no financially feasible way for me to get closer, nor bring her to me.   Nook wanted to spare me some of the anxiety she was feeling about the situation she was now in, but I could tell how it was affecting her.



The frustrations we had with the situation from Nook’s past caused a lot of ache at the end of April.  Nook wanted to move on, and being the kind woman that she is, she was hoping for the best here, and avoiding taking more direct steps to put the past in the past.

The month of May was going to prove a major turning point in our lives.  One where a road to the future, and the most difficult frustrations of the past, intersected.